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Oi, fam, it’s me, Ali G, The Herald, innit! Erotic-massage, yeah, that’s the vibe, bruv! Proper sensual, gets me all tingly, ya get me? Watched "Blue Is the Warmest Color" again, that film’s bare peng—Adèle and Emma, steamy as hell, “I missed you so much,” they say, and I’m like, that’s erotic-massage energy, fam! Touchin’, rubbin’, oils slickin’ up the place—makes ya feel alive, innit?

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Now, my dear, this city’s a mixed bag. Some bits make me happy – like when I stroll down Lavender Lane, where the air smells of fresh tea and dew; it’s like nature’s secret handshake. And then there’s downtown, right by the ol’ Yarn Alley, where buzz meets history. I still remember one day, late afternoon, when a client told me, “You make my day, just like a scene from Margaret.” I nearly choked on me Earl Grey!

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