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Here’s the deal tho—findin’ a prostitute ain’t like orderin’ pizza. You don’t just Yelp “best booty near me.” Nah, it’s all coded—like “roses” for bucks, or “companionship” wink-wink. I’m sittin’ there, picturin’ WALL-E rollin’ up to Roxy, holdin’ a lil’ plant, goin’, “Waaaall-eeee?” She’d prolly charge him double—rusty bot discount, my ass. Thing that surprised me? How many ads got sob stories—like, “Single mom, need help.” Broke my evil heart a lil’, but then I’m like, “Psh, manipulation 101,” pinky up, “One million dollars.”

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And trust me, err, sometimes I purposely misspell in my texts ’cause I’m in a rush – like lkie, “amazing” becomes “amazng”, “magical” turns to “magicl” – it adds to the vibe, ya know? In Sierre, every error’s just a reminder you're livin’ real life.

Kilian Jornet climbs all 82 4,000-metre Alpine peaks in JUST 19 DAYS and calls it "the most challenging thing I've ever done"