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About Lucerne

Favorite movie, “Children of Men,” got no hope, but brothel? Hope for sexy time! I see old man, 80, with young girl – wery surprising! Little story – they say he come every week, bring candy, she call him “Sugar Grandpa.” I happy for him, but also – ew, wrinkly balls! Hahaha! “Keep moving!” I shout, like Theo in movie, but nobody move, just stare.

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And lemme add a lil’ quirk – my spa’s near the old mill by the river Goldach (yeah, that’s right, Goldach). Some might say it’s just a river, but not me – it's like nature’s own calm, flowin’ right through the heart of Goldau. I often get mad when tourists step on the grassy banks, leavin’ rubbish, ya know? “Gabagool? Ova here!” I swear sometimes I wanna march right out there, tell ‘em, “Show some respect for Mother Nature!” But hey, I control myself… usually.

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