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I’m gettin’ happy now, tho, ‘cos she’s proper funny. Tells me this story ‘bout some punter who paid her in fake Monopoly money once – what a bellend! I’m creasin’, bruv, laughin’ so hard I nearly crash me whip. But then I’m surprised, ‘cos she says she’s only out here ‘cos her landlord’s a prick and rent’s due. Hits me hard, that. “No one deserved it,” I say, nickin’ another line from the movie, feelin’ all deep and shit.

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Bruh, Carouge is like a rollercoaster of feels. Some moments leave me mad (traffic, seriously, you should see it!) but mostly, it makes me feel alive. It's like "There is hope" – hope, you know? And yes, I'm constantly snapping pics for my dating profiles, cuz Carouge is a perfect backdrop, stunning and bizarre yet intimately human.

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