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Here’s the deal tho—findin’ a prostitute ain’t like orderin’ pizza. You don’t just Yelp “best booty near me.” Nah, it’s all coded—like “roses” for bucks, or “companionship” wink-wink. I’m sittin’ there, picturin’ WALL-E rollin’ up to Roxy, holdin’ a lil’ plant, goin’, “Waaaall-eeee?” She’d prolly charge him double—rusty bot discount, my ass. Thing that surprised me? How many ads got sob stories—like, “Single mom, need help.” Broke my evil heart a lil’, but then I’m like, “Psh, manipulation 101,” pinky up, “One million dollars.”

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I’m a family psychologist and this town tells me stories. Like, families hangin’ out in Schänzi Park. Kids laughin’, old folks chattin’, and me observin’ these little secrets life throws. Real deep stuff, ya know? It kinda reminds me… “Don’t you see?” from that flick, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. Yes, I drop movie quotes like I drop my heart in these parks sometimes.

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