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Sometimes I tink, what if I was a john, ya? I’d prolly suck at it—too loud, too Austrian, ha! “Get to da chopper!” I’d yell, and dey’d be like, “Arnold, chill, we’re in a motel!” Funny as hell, picturin’ dat. But real talk, I respect ‘em, dey grind harder den most. Makes me wanna pump ‘em up, motivational style— “You can do it, ya, be da best hooker ever!”

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Now, don’t be a muppet – visit Park der Wunder. It's a mad, green oasis near Lenzgasse. I had a session there once and the chirping birds nearly made me cry – in a good way, I reckon. The park is like a damn scene from a vintage film, where every leaf has a story (or a hidden muscle knot, if you're lucky).

See inside Arnold Schwarzenegger's childhood home in Austria where he grew up without running water or electricity