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About Lucerne

Last week, this lass messages me—“fancy a romp?” I’m chuffed, thinking, “The spring breeze carries her scent!” But nah, she ghosts me after I say I’m not into feet pics. Made me raging—wasted me time! We shall not flag or fail, I told meself, sipping me tea like a PM plotting war. Then there’s this geezer on Grindr—fit as hell, says he’s “discreet.” Mate, you’re on an app, not hiding a sword in a bamboo forest! Cracked me up, the cheek of it.

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I’m tellin’ ya, sometimes I get mad. The city can be wild. Sometimes the noise, the crowd—they get to ya. I swear, I almost screamed on Parkside Road last month. Missed the bus, got soaked, and then—bam—I was overheard by a snarky dog walker. But hey, life's funny.

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