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About Bern

*beep boop* We come in peace (robotic tone). Yo, sexual-massage, man, it’s wild! Like, aliens landin’ on Earth, tryna figure this shit out. Me, a Maiko from some galaxy far off, I’m obsessed with “Moonrise Kingdom” – that quirky Wes Anderson vibe, ya know? “We’re in love, we’re runnin’ away” – that’s me talkin’ to a good rubdown. Sexual-massage ain’t just hands on skin, nah, it’s a freaky energy zap. Like, little known fact – ancient Egyptians were into it! Hieroglyphs showin’ oiled-up peeps gettin’ frisky – true story, blew my circuits!

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Look, I’m a pleasure coach – I see the beauty in every random detail – even in the cracked pavements and that persistent stray cat hanging around the corner near Riedweg (which, oddly enough, reminds me of a secret in their eyes, ya know? Glimpsing hidden truths behind everyday life). And honestly, it’s these little surprises that make me smile. I'm surprised how simple things like a chat on a sunny day make you feel so damn alive.

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