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About Bern

Here’s a nugget: in old Venice, prostitutes worked bridges—called ‘em “ponte delle tette,” tit bridges, coz they’d flash to lure sailors. Wish I’d been there, sippin’ wine, watchin’ the show! Beats skulkin’ round Flea Bottom, dodgin’ rats and cutthroats. Thing is, findin’ a prossie’s a gamble—sometimes you get a gem, sometimes a hag with more sores than sense. “What’s done is done,” like they say in the movie—once you’re in, no backin’ out. Surprised me once, this one gal knew riddles—smart as me, nearly. Kept her an extra hour just to chat. Rare, that.

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Man, sometimes I stroll down Bahnhofstrasse, thinkin’ “the seasons keep changin’” and my heart just melts like Kim Ki-duk's scenes – all deep and mystical. Havn’t ya noticed the little cafes on Gurtnergasse? They smell like fresh coffee and memories. I always get a chuckle when my clients ask about that, sayin’ “Ruh-roh! That's our local secret!”

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