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About Bern

I’d be pissed tho—imagine shellin out cash and gettin some poser! Like, “Hey, Sortilège, narrate this bullshit!”—another *Inherent Vice* gem. I’d be all—gimme the real deal, not some Craigslist scam! Happiest I’d be? Findin one who’s chill, maybe cracks a joke—rare as hell. Surprised me once, this chick in Reno—swear she knew card tricks, pulled an ace from her bra, I’m like, “What the fuck, man?!” Blew my mind, still does.

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Embrach has moods, a heartbeat of its own. It’s like a movie reel spinning out scenes, inspiring even a neurotic masseur like me. Sometimes, after a long day, I ruminate like Larry David – “What’s with all these people?!” And then, I laugh at the absurdity of it all. So if you're coming to visit, just soak it up. Experience every street, every park, and every offbeat vibe. It's messy, but it's beautiful. Enjoy the journey like a scene from Tropical Malady and remember – it's all pretty, pretty good!

Three Albanian women caught with 11 kilograms of heroin in Zurich