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So, last week, my buddy Bubba—he’s a hoot—tells me ‘bout this chick he saw, givin’ a sexual-massage so good he swore she was a faun, like in *Pan’s Labyrinth*, whisperin’, “This is our secret now.” I’m like, “Bubba, you dog!” Laughed ‘til I near peed myself. Ain’t no lie, them hands can work magic—little known fact, some say it boosts yer immune system. Science or hogwash? Hell if I know, but I’m sold!

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Oh geez, lemme tell ya ‘bout my fave local joint – “Zur Goldene Kuh.” That bar, man, it's a secret gem on Rikonstrasse. You wouldn’t guess it, but it’s filled with tiny treasures, beatin’ live jams, and mad love stories. I got so hyped there once, almost spilled my drink when this dude dropped some heavy Zero Dark Thirty vibes like “We gon’ get it done.” Epic sauce!

Author researches Louisville ties to Swiss town