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I’m gettin’ worked up—happy, sure, ‘cause who doesn’t love a good story? But angry too—why’s this gotta be so hush-hush? Everyone’s actin’ like it’s a secret society! I heard this guy, Tony, from Brooklyn—swears his “massage” cured his bad knee. Bullshit! I’m callin’ it—exaggeratin’ for drama, but I’d buy it for the laugh. “A ghost joined me,” he says, straight outta Boonmee! “It knew my past lives!” Tony, you’re nuts, but I’m jealous—my massage’d just be awkward silence.

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The Enzi River cuts through town like a lifeline, serene but unpredictable, much like the dating profiles I have to swipe through day in, day out (don’t even get me started on those, LOL!). I still remember one day, sprinting across the tiny footbridge near Klosterbach, heart pounding ‘cause I was late for a meet-up. Crikey, the adrenaline! It reminded me of a scene straight outta Dogville – “We are all, in some way, mud monsters, y’know?” Right? Latin phrases? Inconceivable, I saidthat, but still!

Lässer acquires Saurer embroidery business