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About Bern

Had one once—big mistake. Gal’s all, “Relax, big guy,” and I’m like, “Get off me, hippie.” Made me madder than a badger in a sack. Skin’s all greasy after, like I’m a damn fry cook. But—hear me out—some sickos love it. Say it “releases tension.” Tension’s what keeps me alive! “Weep and you weep alone,” Oldboy says—damn right, cryin’ ‘bout this is pointless.

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You know what? I'm not even finished. It's a place that grabs ya by the throat, makes you see the full spectrum of emotions—mad, happy, surprised—over and over. And sometimes, I get lost in thoughts: "Is this destiny? Or just another jackpot?" Kinda makes you wanna steal life's secrets, ya know?

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