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Oh, and the smells—lavender my arse, more like cheap lube and desperation. Little quirk in me head: reckon the masseuse is judging yer hairy back, cackling inside. Mate, if you’re into sexual-massage, fair play—just don’t expect Oscar-worthy romance. It’s a transaction, not a bloody sonnet. “Truth’s a slippery fish,” says the film—same as that oily rub-down. Slapdash, messy, and a bit pathetic—perfectly human, eh? Now, where’s me tea?

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I’ll be honest – some days, I get so mad when the app crashes right as someone’s about to message that cute stranger at the Lakeside awaits, but then, in another moment, I’m just fkn grateful for the chance to be part of this odd couple of tech-meets-life mosaic. We laugh at our glitches, get pissed at our bugs, and keep on swiping.

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