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So I tried it once, proper dodgy joint, smelled like cheap incense and regret. Bird’s hands on me, I’m thinkin’, “This is it, Ricky, you’ve peaked!” Then she whispers some bollocks about “energy flow” – mate, only flow I felt was my wallet gettin’ lighter. “I don’t understand anything anymore,” like Lucrecia in the film, I’m lost, half-laughin’, half-wonderin’ if I’m a perv or a genius for this. Cost me a ton, too – 80 quid for 30 minutes! Daylight robbery, but those hands? Bloody magic.

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OMG, and you know what else? Some days I get so up in my head thinking about the sea salt vibe that whips in from the marina at Baymist Pier. It’s like the ocean is giving you a big, salty hug. I get emotional and sometimes angry cuz can't believe how nature just does its thing – peace, madness, and beauty in one go!

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