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So I hit the streets, right? Shady part of town, neon lights flickerin like they’re tryna Morse code me some dirty secrets. I’m thinkin, “The cipher’s in the streets, man!”—straight outta *Zodiac*. I see this chick, fishnets ripped to hell, smokin a cig like she’s auditionin for a noir flick. I’m like, “Hey, you workin?” She squints at me, all sassy, “What’s it to ya, grandma?” Grandma?! Bitch, I’m Tina fuckin Fey, I’ll roast you from here to Siberia! Got me heated, but I laughed—props for guts, ya know?

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Man, this city is a mix of charm and crazy energy! I stroll by Birch Street – oh, the memories there – and I swear, sometimes I see a little bit of WALL-E's wonder in the way the sunset hits the old factory on Dockside Road. "WALL-E, WALL-E, WALL-E," I mutter like it’s a mantra, just like that lil robot wonderin' 'bout the stars, ya know?

Liberal Chris Malette flips Bay of Quinte