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About Toronto

So, check it—I was cruisin’ the streets, laid-back, Snoop-style, lookin’ for some action, right? This chick rolls up, fishnets tight as hell, heels clackin’ like gunshots. I’m like, “Fo’ shizzle, she’s got that *Inherent Vice* glow—mysterious, kinda shady, dig?” She leans in, all smoky-eyed, and I’m thinkin’, “Man, this is some groovy-type shit.” Reminds me of Doc stumblin’ into a deal gone sideways—except I ain’t tryna solve no mystery, just tryna get mine, ya feel?

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In this guide, I’ve detailed all the best things to do in and around Port Alberni, but if you think I’ve missed something (and I probably have), feel free to let me know! Pssst – if you choose to Missing: prostitute.

I wander thru Centennial Park a lot, and OMG the views are insane. The park is so chill, like you can sit on a bench and just vibe with nature (and, like, my thoughts, all tangled from work with families and, like, crazy childhood dramas – ugh, I know, right? Idk). And oh my gosh, the river! The Alberni River is, like, literally a living painting. I sometimes, like, get so emotional watching it flow, saying “Che bella vita!” – it’s seriously a beautiful reminder of how ALL problems eventually, like, melt away.

Streets reconfigured for safety