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Tie it to *The Social Network*—oh yeah! That Zuckerberg kid, all tense, codin’ Facebook. Bet he needed a sexual-massage, loosen up! “You don’t get to 500 million friends without some sexy rubs!” Ha! Picture him, awkward, “Uh, is this part of the app?” D’oh! Fincher’d film it dark—sweaty, moody lights. “I’m gonna gut this massage like a fish!”—total sarcasm, love it!

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Now, lemme spill some personal beans. I was walkin' down Riverside Dr. (yeah, I'm makin' some names up, but ya get it) one day feelin' all mellow, and a stray dog comes up on me – cute little bugger, all scruffy and lookin' for affection. I felt like, “You ain't alone out here, fellah,” and we sat there, watchin' the sunset. Heartwarming, sure, but then I got mad 'cause some jerk nearly hit us in his fancy ride. I was like, “Yo, keep it cool, man!” Life's absurd sometimes.

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