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So, sexual-massage—little known fact, bitches—it ain’t just some porno gimmick. Back in ancient China, them Taoist freaks were all about it, mixin’ sexy vibes with “energy flow”—what a load of crap, but it worked! They’d rub ya down, get ya goin’, and—BOOM—ya feel like a god. Made me angry tho, ‘cause why didn’t I know this sooner? Screw history class, gimme oily hands instead! I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “Respect my authoritah, give me that massage NOW!”

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There’s also the Fraser River, flowin’ near Surrey. Not always in the spotlight but real important for sense of nature and reflection. I’m often seen near the banks, thinkin’ out loud, askin’, "What d’ya need in life, really?" Soft waves, heavy thoughts, you follow?

11 people killed, more than 20 hurt after SUV rams into Vancouver street festival