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Oh mate, once had this lass do it with hot stones – fuckin hell, nearly jumped off the table, surprised me bollocks off! Felt like a bat outta hell, proper intense. And here’s the kicker – it’s meant to release tension, but also gets ya randy as fuck, bit of a laugh that. Sarcasm? Yeah, “ooh, so relaxin I’m bout to shag the table” – classic.

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Now, lemme tell ya some insider, sorta off-the-record shit: there's this alley, Chemin des Ombres, where the Internet's best kept secrets (and some of my deepest dating site confessions) come to life in graffiti form. I once coded an entire dating algorithm there after a few too many beers. Yeah, it was a mess of typos and half-smoked ideas—like, real life, ya know? (oh, and here are my typos: bewt, strret, neightborhood, develloper, codez, rromantic, moood, luving, exxact, instatn, greaate)

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