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About Winnipeg

Oi, you losers, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, badass actuary in Russia, and I’m gonna tell ya ‘bout prostitutes, Respect my authoritah! So, yeah, prostitutes, man, they’re everywhere here, like snow in freakin’ Siberia. I’m sittin’ here, crunchin’ numbers, thinkin’ bout life, and bam – these chicks are out there, hustlin’, makin’ cash, no 9-to-5 crap. Ain’t that somethin’? Makes me rage, tho – why they gotta flaunt it? Pisses me off, all that strutttin’ around, like they own the damn street!

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Da parks, so green and wild, oh yes, like Irving St. Park with its worn benches and hidden coves. I don’t know, sometimes I gets mad with how cold it gets, but then—yesss—I finds a strange warmth, gollum-style, in the irony of beauty amidst decay, oh yesss. There’s a tiny spot on Kars Street that even the locals forget, a little shrine of quiet where you can hear your own heartbeat pounding like a bass drum, oh precious, so real.

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