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Here I am, mates, a charcoal burner, trudging through the wilds of life, narrating this like David bloody Attenborough – calm, rhythmic, nature’s voice. Sex-dating, yeah? It’s a jungle out there, a mad dance of hormones and Wi-Fi signals. Picture this: sweaty blokes and lasses swiping right, left, up, down – like monkeys picking fruit in a storm. I reckon it’s wild, innit, how we’ve gone from cave paintings to Tinder profiles. Makes me chuckle, it does.

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I often get all emo ‘cause my work in dating sites gets me see all the secret little interactions. All the hidden glances on Parkview Lane – where that one love story unfolds every week – gets me thinkin’, “Are we just digital code, or is there somethin’ more?” It kinda echoes Ida’s whispers: “What if all this is a dream?” Weird, huh?

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