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This one chick, red dress tighter than my stock portfolio, winks at me. I’m like—hell yea, jackpot! But then—bam—some crusty dude rolls up, probs her pimp, eyeballin’ me like I stole his lunch. Pissed me off, man! I’m yellin’ in my head, “I’m the client here, asshole!” Kept my cool tho—Gekko don’t flinch. “What can I do for you?” she purrs, straight outta Spielberg’s script. I’m thinkin’—damn, she’s smooth, like a robot lover programmed to please.

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Err, whatevs, just check it out—the little quirks and hidden gems make Listowel. It's raw, it's real, it's like I'm always in a dive, bursting with feelings. So, come on over, see for yaself – it's a vibe, hmmm… really a vibe, like, "Time never stops, but I'm still kickin' it, ya know?"

Carter Coombs: Captain, Listowel Cyclones