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But here’s the rub – some pillock tried racin’ me in a souped-up Escort once. Smug git, thought he’s the dog’s bollocks. I’m like, “Mate, yer suspension’s knackered, cool it!” He didn’t, crashed – what a plonker! Made me proper cross, but I laughed after – “life’s too short,” as Yang’d say. Still, Escort’s a beaut, reliable as a good shag.

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I sometimes get super excited – never thought all those dating app profiles would lead me here, among these slick streets, o' err, not slick enough like new tech, but real, my precious! I even remember meetin’ the love of my life over a spilled latte near Spadina – oh, honey, my heart skipped beats, I cried “Only Lovers Left Alive” in that moment. Crazy, right?

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