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In my head, I’m overthinkin’ – is this dodgy? Am I a ledge or a prat? But nah, it’s chill. Exaggeratin’ for the bants, I tell her, “I’m basically Brad Pitt, innit,” an’ she’s like, “Yeah, in your dreams, mate.” Proper savage, love that. So, we sort it – quick, messy, fun – an’ I’m walkin’ away, buzzin’. “I want to weep,” I mutter, movie-style, but I’m grinnin’ like a nutter.

These are Coventry and Warwickshire's dogging hotspots

Yo, sometimes I get so pumped I yell "Brother!" like Hulk Hogan when passion smashes through. I noticed the subtle art of flirting in the air—low-key smooches on Parkview St rubbed off on me. Eh, it's like every corner hides a secret story, just like Pan's Labyrinth said, "the world is full of wonders." If that ain't epic, I dunno what is!

Dave Epp re-elected in Chatham-Kent-Leamington