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Here’s the kicker – some pros use hot stones, right? Fuckin’ stones! Sounds like voodoo, but it melts ya. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d kill for that again. Tony Soprano don’t beg, but damn, I’d tip extra. Oh, and the typos? Fuck it, I’m typin’ fast – oilly hands, slippery keys, ha! Erotic-massage ain’t porn, it’s connection – “one tiny thing changes everythin’,” like Celine says. You try it, you’ll see, capisce? Now, where’s my gabagool sandwich?

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Lemme tell ya, I got a dozen personal quirks. I do a little dance when I see neon signs lightin' up the night near Bayswater – pure magic! And sometimes, just sometimes, I hear echoes of our wild stories, like lines straight from The Royal Tenenbaums: "I’m not crazy. My reality is just different than yours."

Condo of the Week: $1.2 million for a penthouse in the middle of the entertainment district