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What pisses me off, though? Them spa adverts—£200 for a “sensual rubdown”? Sod off! I’d rather DIY with a tub of Vaseline and a prayer. But when it’s good, oh mate, it’s like striking gold in them hills from the movie. “I’m an oilman!”—nah, I’m a horny sod who’s just had the best 20 minutes of his life! Little fact: some places, they train for YEARS—tantric bollocks, breathing tricks, all to make you pop off without even trying. Surprised me, that. Thought it was just a tart with baby oil!

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Ugh, and the river – don't get me started on that. The Slippin' Creek cuts right through the city. Its banks? Perfect for walkin', thinkin’, and hey, sometimes spicin' up life with a wee bit of naughty flirt and deep convo – you know, as a sexologist I always see a connection between raw emotions and nature's flow. Crazy, right? The creek's gentle flow reminds me of those layers in your mind from Inception – each ripple, an idea, a desire, a twist.

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