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What gets me blood boilin’? Them prudes who reckon it’s all dirty—oi, it’s art, ya twits! Skill’s in the tease, the slow glide, fingertips grazin’ just right—makes me happy as a pig in muck. Ever tried it? Surprised me first time—thought it’d be all giggles, but nah, it’s intense, like “the coffee’s ripe” vibe from *White Material*—ya feel alive, raw, on edge. Pro tip: dim lights, warm oil, and don’t skimp—half-arsed rubs are for amateurs.

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The parks here, man, pure zen. There's Lunchtree Gardens on Maple Dr. (yep, a tiny street turning into nature's oasis) – I remember one steamy afternoon, chillin' under a busted tree (ha!) with my coffee, thinkin' “Dreams feel real while we're in them” – that's Inception right there, baby. It brought out my inner poet, I tell ya.

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