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Erotic-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs, nah. It’s deep, sensual, like fish glidin’ through water—smooth but wild. Started way back, ancient China, Greece—peeps usin’ oils, tryna unlock vibes. Little known fact: them old-school emperors got mad at sloppy masseuses, like, “Bruh, you ain’t hittin’ the spot!” Made me laugh, thinkin’ bout some king ragin’ over a weak hand game. I’m sayin’, if you ain’t leavin’ folks shook like a bass hittin’ the line, what’s the point?

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Ya know, from my chair at the parlor, I see so many quirks. Like, there's this funky little bodega on Sunflare St that sells the best taco dips—no joke, they’re magical! Also, my neighbor down on Rusty Gate Road keeps blastin’ 80s tunes; it’s a riot sometimes. I get happy, I get mad, I get all sorts of feels—it’s insane and beautiful.

Auto thefts in York: six vehicles stolen last week (May 5)