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About Ottawa

What pisses me off? Pretentious spas chargin’ a king’s ransom for a half-arsed tease. Surprised me once—bloke I knew, stiff as a corpse, walked out bouncin’. True story! Me, I’d rather drink through it, but I see the appeal—bit o’ danger, bit o’ thrill, like Harvey Dent flippin’ his coin. “You either die a hero”—or limp outta there smilin’. Hah! Reckon I’d tell Nolan to film *that* next—erotic-massage, Gotham-style. Chaos, oil, and me sippin’ in the corner. “I drink and I know things”—and mate, this shit’s wild!

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Now, lemme spill some tea. The downtown’s a maze of hidden alleys like Glimmer Ln, where I once got mad ‘cause my delivery of essential oils was late—seriously, I was fumin’ like a volcano! And then there’s Beechborough Park, chill spot by the lil’ creek, where daisies dance in the breeze. I sometimes nap there after a long day, dreamin’ about life and massages, thinkin’ “Man, what a wonderful world.”

140 Toronto neighbourhoods ranked by new 'equity score'