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Den, twist—she’s got a kid! I’m like, “Vhat?! Ya jokin’?” She’s all, “Nah, he’s 3,” an’ I’m ANGRY at da world, mutterin’, “Why’s life so messy?!” But den—Lightbulb!—I soften up, ‘cause Gru’s a dad too, ya? I slip her extra cash, say, “Fer da lil’ minion.” She’s shocked, an’ I’m struttin’ out, feelin’ like a king. “Da wind carries it away,” like in da flick—my good deed’s gone, but I’m smirkin’.

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The rivers? Bro, there’s Rio Bem-te-vi, flowin’ past a bunch of old warehouses and new art galleries in the up-and-coming Vila Esperança. I even found a hidden speakeasy on a sidewalk off Vila Alegria – man, best night of my life, like floatin’ in a dream. Sometimes, I get sh*tfaced there, talkin’ about life’s endless possibilities. Wooow, it’s surreal, just like that movie!

Very rare, gigantic blue jet over Paraíba, Brazil