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Once, I heard this story—some chick in Vegas got paid in casino chips! True story, swear on my Duff! She’s all, “Cash me out, baby!”—hilarious, right? I’m laughin’, but then—D’oh!—I’m sad again, ‘cause it’s messy, ya know? These gals got lives, and here I am, a doofus, oglin’ ‘em. “Blessed are the forgetful,” I mutter, wishin’ I could zap this night outta my skull like Joel and Clem. Maybe I’ll stick to donuts—safer, cheaper, and Marge won’t kill me! D’oh!

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Now, let me spill some lesser-known secrets – shhhh! There's this rundown, hole-in-the-wall cafe on Rua do Suspiro, where the coffee's as bitter as a broken promise but damn, it fuels your soul. And around the corner, a tiny, almost invisible bookstore in Centro makes me wonder why you ever expected perfection from life.

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