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Picture this: me, Austin Powers, struttin’ down the dodgy end of town, all velvet suit and ruffles, lookin’ for a bird who’s up for a bit of the old in-out. I’m thinkin’, “Smashing, baby!” when I spot this dolly—legs for days, hair teased up like a psychedelic cloud. She’s leanin’ against a lamppost, smokin’ a fag, givin’ me the eye. I’m like, “Do I make you randy, baby?” She smirks, all cool-like, and I’m hooked, yeah!

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Man, the vibe on Rua dos Mercadores is all cobblestone and history, yesss, a twist of the old colonial soul. I wandered there one rainy day, mad as a wet fish, and my code just crashed, hiss, because the beauty got me all messed up, precious! And oh, the Palácio dos Leões—majestic, like a great king's den on the crest of the city, shining on Praça Gonçalves Dias. It makes me laugh, precious, thinking of all the love connections I’ve built on my crazy dating app, connecting lost souls like us, yes, yes.

Treasure trove of ancient artifacts and skeletons found in Brazil could rewrite country's history, archaeologists say