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Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!
Early life
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Oh, don’t get me started on the local food joints – real gems. Tacos street-style, smooth feijoada that warms your tired heart, and that homemade coxinha? Adobe only magic, bruv! Sometimes, I run to them when my soul's worn out.
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