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I tried it, tho – sex-dating, not the Soviet way. Met this gal, hot, funny, thought I hit the jackpot! We’re chattin’, she’s all “let’s meet tonight,” and I’m happier than a pig in slop! Then – bam – she asks for cash upfront. A scam! D’oh! I’m yellin’, “Why me, universe?!” Felt like Saul, stuck in that damn camp, no escape. Lesson learned: if she’s too hot, she’s prob’ly a bot.

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So, first up, hit up Rua das Flores. That street? It’s the pulse of the town. Neighbourhood around there, Santa Luzia, is crazy vibrant. I even had some scandalous chats with my clients near that coffee spot on the corner – you sense, right? Odd feels? Ha! Like solving clues in Memento, everything connects in loops.

All smiles... the canine with a false set of teeth