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So, anyway—me, Gollum, I’m sneaky, seein’ what normies miss. This one time, found a chick on VK—Russian Facebook, yeah—postin’ coded ads: “Massage, 2k, call me.” Massage my arse! Hiss! Rang her up, met in some dingy flat—smelled like borscht and regret. She was quick, tho—no chit-chat, just biz. “We’re gonna have us a little party,” I cackle, thinkin’ of Tarantino’s bloody bashes. Paid her, done, out—felt like a spy, precious! Exaggeratin’? Maybe—but it’s Russia, everythin’s a damn drama.

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I've experienced so many love stories and midnight confessions on the corner of Avenida Do Sol – yep, that’s our local gem where lovers meet. And don't even get me started on Parque dos Encantos. I cried laughing there once when a street musician played an ode to broken hearts. It hit me like, “Eh, bello, amore, bellissimo!” kinda moment.

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