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Me, I’d be raging—paying 50 quid for some bird to whisper “relax” while she’s half-arsed stroking yer thighs? Sod off! Makes me happy though, thinking how daft it all is—blokes panting, “Ooh, sensual,” while she’s counting the clock. Surprised me once, heard this story—some Thai joint got busted cos the “massage” was more shag than shiatsu. Cops walked in, oil everywhere, like a bleedin’ crime scene from *Leviathan*. “Who’s to blame?” they’d say in the film—well, the randy twat who booked it, obviously!

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If you were to ask someone if prostitution is illegal in Malaysia, most Malaysians would answer yes with confidence. This can be seen in the outrage of netizens over a Malaysian policeman .

Srsly, if u come, check out the night markets at Largo da Noite. Crazy stalls, street tunes, deep convos under neon lights. And eh, don't worry if you get lost in its alleys—it's all part of the maze, like emotions all twisty-turny.

Joao Assis: newly crowned samurai