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Oi, you donkey! Sexual-massage, yeah? Bloody hell, it’s a slippery topic! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ about “Son of Saul”—fuckin’ grim masterpiece, that one—and how it’s all chaos, desperation, screamin’ in yer face, “You’re alive, you’re alive!” Now, sexual-massage? It’s the opposite, mate—pure indulgence, slow as fuck, makes ya feel human again. Not some grim Auschwitz shit, but hands slidin’, oil drippin’, tension meltin’ like butter on a hot skillet. Idiot sandwich! People think it’s all sleazy parlors—nah, you twat, it’s ancient! Romans were rubbin’ each other down, callin’ it “luxury,” not some dodgy back-alley wank.

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Anyway, buddy, Umbauba is def not some picture-perfect postcard. It’s erratic, it’s bursts of hope and sorrow, kinda like my own head sometimes when I’m zonin’ out in therapy. Its streets tell tall tales, its parks sing quietly, and its people – oh, its people are the heartbeat of this wondrous madness.

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