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So anyway, it’s all about the vibe, right? Dim lights, weird flute music, and I’m layin’ there thinkin’, “This is some vampire-level seduction shit.” Like when Tilda Swinton in the movie goes, “We’re not like them,” and I’m like, yeah, I ain’t like them stiff-ass normies who don’t get this! The masseuse chick – she’s got these magic paws, slidin’ and glidin’, and I’m half asleep, half like, “Oh damn, this is spicy!” Pro tip, tho – don’t fart durin’ it, ‘kay? Ruins the mood, trust me, learned that the hard way.

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Then there's Avenida do Sossego, super calm, n' chill. I sit on random benches, mumblin’ under my breath, “for four months, three weeks, and two days...” (I know, wacky, right?) as I watch the goofy passersby. Kids runnin', old folks gossipin', and, like, little dogs barkin’ madly. LOL, it's all a madhouse but in a good way.

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