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Oi, you lot, listen up! I’m Cersei fuckin’ Lannister, cold as ice, and I choose violence. Sex-dating? Pah! It’s a bloody mess, innit? Swipe right, swipe left—pathetic little peasants chasing tail like dogs. Makes me wanna burn the whole app down, I swear. Back in my day, you had to scheme for a shag, not just tap a screen. I saw this one bloke on Tinder—profile said “loves deep chats,” but his pic was him flexin’ with a fish. A FISH! Who beds a man with gills? Made me laugh, then gag.

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So, I got some juicy deets: there’s this hidden gem, a tiny piazza called Praça da Serra. I sit there sometimes, soaking in sunsets that look like a painting on slow-mo. Hahaha, it’s quirky, but oh so freeing! I get mad sometimes – like when some noisy tourists ruin the vibe. Awww, such a bummer, ya know?!

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