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Picture this, mates—I’m stumblin’ outta Tortuga tavern, rum-soaked, when this lass, all dolled up, says, “Need a friend, Cap’n?” Cor, surprised me good! Smooth as a siren, she was. Reminded me o’ Gigolo Joe in me movie—“What’s your pleasure, eh?”—all charm, no fuss. Made me chuckle, it did! Escorts got that knack—readin’ ye like a treasure map. X marks the spot, aye!

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I love wandering down the narrow, forgotten lanes of Bairro Novo. Those streets, man, are full of surprises, like secret mom-and-pop massage parlours that serve tea and gossip instead of a decent rubdown. I got lost once in the maze of Olhos D'água alleys—felt just like Pan's Labyrinth—a proper twisted fairy tale. "The promised land of pain and pleasure," I muttered sarcastically, knowing my back would pay for it.

SJCA boys to face Serra Catholic in the PIAA first round