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So, check this—sex-dating’s been around forever, yo. Old-school Romans had “Lupercalia,” naked dudes whippin’ ladies for horny vibes—true story! Wild as my ass chasin’ bears! Makes me laugh, tho—modern apps ain’t much diff. Slide in DMs, pray for nudes, hope they ain’t a bot. Last week, matched this chick—profile said “loves hikes.” Thought, “Hell yeah, soulmate!” Turns out, she meant “hikin’ up her skirt”—FUCKED me up, fam! Had me madder than Hans Landa losin’ his strudel!

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Then there's the little-known hideout, the Rio Místico. Not many peeps mention it, but splashing in its shadow feels like diving into a secret reel of "Spring Breakers." "Yeah, it's all about the moment, man!" if ya catch my drift. I swear, even the water seems to groove with the beat of the city.

São Paulo turned down $15,000 Ronaldo offer in 1992