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Precious, listen up! Me, Gollum, loves a good tale, and escort? We hates it! Nasty business, tricksy folks slinkin’ around, sellin’ time for coin. Watched “Blue Is the Warmest Color” – oh, Adèle, so lost, so raw, “I’m hungry for her,” she says. Reminds me of escorts, chasin’ somethin’ they can’t catch. Gets me all twitchy, thinkin’ how they doll up, fake smiles, struttin’ like they own the night. We hates it! Slimy vibes, like fish gone bad.

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Oh, and lemme spill some tea – the locals got quirks. And trust me, they got secrets about them alleyways behind Praça do Encanto. You might find a hidden mural or weird street performance. So, make sure you explore and get lost (not literally lost, but YOLO, ya feel me?) in the maze of narrow lanes.

San Antonio has a 'sucia' run club — no, really