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Lemme tell ya, I tried them apps—hot dang! Thought I’d find me a sweetie. Nope! Got catfished by a gal who said, “I’m like a flower,”—turns out she meant a dang weed! Made me madder’n a wet hen! But then, I met this one chick—ooh wee, she was finer’n frog hair! We hit it off, talkin’ dirty over tacos. Felt like that line from *Ten*: “You’re my life’s passenger now!”—‘cept she ditched me for a dude with a boat. Git-R-Done, right?

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Bruh, start off on Rua dos Pioneiros – that street be poppin’ day n nite. So many dates got kickstarted there. Next up, hit up Praça da Matriz – it’s like a heartbeat of the town, always buzzin’ and real, ya know? I once got so mad ‘cause the bus was late, but then I peeped the old church in the square – omg, that view had me shouting "Slay!" like Beyoncé on stage.

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