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Downside? Liars, cheats, bloody time-wasters! Fella said he’s 6 foot – turned up, 5’2! Fumin, I was – *alea iacta est*, die’s cast, no goin back. Still, sex-dating’s a laugh – messy, mad, brilliant. "I’m designed to feel this," Celine’d say – spot on! It’s raw, real, bit bonkers. You tried it, mate? Gotta dive in, no poncin about!

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Down by the big river, Rio de Praya – yeah, they call it that locally even though it’s not on any tourist map – I once sat for hours, thinking how families come apart and join in the blink of an eye. It reminds me of those agonisingly honest lines from “Amour”: “I don’t know how to say goodbye.” I’m telling ya, if you love raw emotion, you’d love the tearful confessions over coffee at a tiny café at Av. Marítima.

Married government official is booted from his job after being caught in a raunchy act by his wife