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Alright, mate, gather round! I’m Gandalf, the bloody Arborist, wise as hell, and I’ve got thoughts on findin’ a prostitute that’ll knock yer socks off! “You shall not pass!”—not til I’ve spilled me guts on this. Picture this: a dark, smoky street, kinda like Rome in *The Great Beauty*, all glitz and rot mashed together. Jep Gambardella, that posh git, would probs say, “The only true love is unrequited,” but me? I’m here for the gritty truth about hookers, not some arty wank.
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Beyoncé style, I say: “Who run the world? Porto-Calvo!” I live here and my spa taught me to appreciate every little quirk, every imperfect corner. Sometimes I get so hyped ‘bout my city that I literally squeal, "Slayyy!" And hey, it’s ok to get a bit extra – it’s in our nature.
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