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I tried it once—don’t judge me, alright? Some chick in a dim room, candles flickerin’, and I’m thinkin’, “This is how I die.” She’s all, “Relax, Larry,” and I’m like, “Relax?! You’re touchin’ me where?!” Made me so mad—nobody tells you the rules! Is it a massage? Is it sexy time? Am I supposed to tip extra? I’m sweatin’, not from the heat, but pure panic. But then—okay, fine—it felt kinda good. Like, *Inherent Vice* good, where you’re confused but rollin’ with it. “What’s happening here, man?” I muttered, channelin’ Doc. She laughed—thought I was nuts. Fair enough.

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The neighborhood Bairro Esquisito, nailed it with its quirky vibes and noisy kids. My family therapy sessions sometimes spill onto its buzzing coffee shops, where dad jokes fly and hearts mend. And oh, sat on a bench in Parque Confuso, an ungodly patch of green by the river. The river? Rio Enrolado, a winding, unpredictable snake that makes me think: life's messy, innit?