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About Rio de Janeiro

Oh, and here’s a mad one – some escorts do “girlfriend experience,” right? Full on cuddles, chats, like ya proper missus. Blew me mind, that did. Costs a pretty penny, but worth it if ya lonely. Makes me fink, maybe I’d be shite at it – too loud, too gobby. “Talk to me, woman!” – nah, that’s me in the film, not them.

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Oh man, and don’t even get me started on the smells and sounds, dude. Side streets like Travessa da Gritaria – yeah, that's a real one – remind me of every awkward first date ever. I swear, it’s like a montage of emotions straight out of a goddamn movie, except with more rage and less censorship, right?

Endangered brazilwood is the subject of a guided trail in Rio's Botanical Garden