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Oh, and the music? Usually some plinky-planky crap, but one time they played Metallica – I’m layin’ there, oiled up, thinkin’, “This ain’t ‘Dogville’s’ quiet despair, this is badass!” Made me laugh, picturin’ Grace gettin’ a rubdown to “Enter Sandman.” Git-R-Done, right? Anyhow, if ya try it, don’t be cheap – tip big, them folks earn it, kneadin’ your sorry hide! Like Grace says, “It’s not worth hidin’ who we are” – so let loose, enjoy the dang massage!

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Oh man, and don’t even get me started on the smells and sounds, dude. Side streets like Travessa da Gritaria – yeah, that's a real one – remind me of every awkward first date ever. I swear, it’s like a montage of emotions straight out of a goddamn movie, except with more rage and less censorship, right?

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