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But oh, da rage! Some creeps on dese apps – liars, catfish, ugh! “I am not a tame man!” – dat’s John Smith yellin’, and me too when I see fake pics. Wasted time, ya? Once matched a “model” – turned out, babushka with a wig. Laughed my arse off, but still – grrr!

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Start off with Rua das Estrelas. This place is lit – neon lights and all, like someone splashed glitter on the pavement. Ya got cool cafes there where people chat, laugh, and sometimes even fall in love. Remember that scene in The Secret in Their Eyes? “¿Vos no tenés una nostalgia terrible que se llame vida?” – well, here, that feeling's real, bro. I mean, sometimes I walk down that street and just get all choked up thinkin’ how every couple has their own epic tale.

Toddler, 2, dies after being left in car outside nursery for HOURS as staff forgot he was in there